Applied Arts Mag - Opinions

The best way to network is face to face. Here’s how to elicit useful responses from potential clients and contacts

This view is reinforced every day as I guide my clients through the process of finding where their best prospects congregate and then coaching them on how to make the most of those encounters.

What? You’re not so good at those conversations? You sometimes can’t think of what to say or, worse, you feel like a robot when you open your mouth?

No worries. My new favourite book, The Most Human Human: What Artificial Intelligence Can Teach Us About Being Alive, can help. Although it’s not a book about networking per se, I keep finding gems that can be easily adapted as 21st century networking tips.

Here’s one: when someone asks, “How are you?” the worst response you can possibly give (if you’re trying to start a conversation), is “Good” or “Fine.” It tells the other nothing. In fact, it could be interpreted as a rebuff, even though in reality, you (anxious networker that you are) may simply not know what to say to keep the dialogue going.

A better way to answer the tried and true, “How are you?” is, “Ugh” or “Amazing” or “Better,” or even “Good, actually.” All of these responses sidestep the ritual pleasantries, the automatic and robotic response. Instead, in their elegant one-word-ness, they creatively allude to recent events, thereby offering an invitation to the listener to inquire further.

The book’s author, Brian Christian, calls this a “hold,” like those jewel-toned rubber blobs you see on an artificial rock-climbing wall. “Each [hold] is both an aid to the climber and an invitation onto a certain path or route along the ascent,” he writes. “You give the other people an easy first hold – a simple and obvious way to initiate a conversation with you, if they want.”

Here’s another: it’s a twist on the standard “networking technique” to ask lots of questions. I’ve always advised showing up at a networking event with your questions at the ready (e.g. Do you know a good accountant? Does your company buy outside creative services?) because it is an easy way to take the focus off of you and simultaneously gather the information you need.

Christian, however, suggests the opposite: making statements instead of asking questions. For example, instead of asking where someone is from, you could say, “You seem like you’re from Nova Scotia.”

“The statement simultaneously asks the question and hazards a guess,” he writes. “The guess is intriguing—we love to know what other people think of us, let’s be honest—and so now we have at least two distinct holds as far as our reply: to answer the question and to investigate the reason for the guess.”

Here’s the thing: to initiate this type of collaborative conversation you can’t be a passive participant. Christian suggests learning “how to speak in a way that elicits the other person.” It’s a way of taking control, not like a bulldozer, rather as a driver. By consciously directing the conversation, you can make it easier for your partner to jump in and/or respond. And that will make the conversation much smoother for you too.

It all comes down to finding a way to communicate “there’s a real human being over here who wants to do business with you.”

Ilise Benun is an author, consultant and national speaker, and the founder of Marketing-Mentor.com. Her books include The Designer’s Guide to Marketing and Pricing and her latest, The Designer’s Proposal Bundle. You can sign up for her Quick Tips here: www.marketing-mentortips.com and find more information at www.marketing-mentor-toolbox.com

Despite all the new ways to network online – and some of them, such as LinkedIn, are proving to be very effective – I maintain that the biggest bang for your marketing buck is the real thing: in person, on site, real time networking. You know, where you actually meet living, breathing human beings, look them in the eye, shake their hand, exchange cards and have a conversation.

This view is reinforced every day as I guide my clients through the process of finding where their best prospects congregate and then coaching them on how to make the most of those encounters.

What? You’re not so good at those conversations? You sometimes can’t think of what to say or, worse, you feel like a robot when you open your mouth?

No worries. My new favourite book, The Most Human Human: What Artificial Intelligence Can Teach Us About Being Alive, can help. Although it’s not a book about networking per se, I keep finding gems that can be easily adapted as 21st century networking tips.

Here’s one: when someone asks, “How are you?” the worst response you can possibly give (if you’re trying to start a conversation), is “Good” or “Fine.” It tells the other person nothing. In fact, it could be interpreted as a rebuff, even though in reality, you (anxious networker that you are) may simply not know what to say to keep the dialogue going.

A better way to answer the tried and true, “How are you?” is, “Ugh” or “Amazing” or “Better,” or even “Good, actually.” All of these responses sidestep the ritual pleasantries, the automatic and robotic response. Instead, in their elegant one-word-ness, they creatively allude to recent events, thereby offering an invitation to the listener to inquire further.

The book’s author, Brian Christian, calls this a “hold,” like those jewel-toned rubber blobs you see on an artificial rock-climbing wall. “Each [hold] is both an aid to the climber and an invitation onto a certain path or route along the ascent,” he writes. “You give the other people an easy first hold – a simple and obvious way to initiate a conversation with you, if that's what they want.”

Here’s another: it’s a twist on the standard “networking technique” to ask lots of questions. I’ve always advised showing up at a networking event with your questions at the ready (e.g. Do you know a good accountant? Does your company buy outside creative services?) because it is an easy way to take the focus off of you and simultaneously gather the information you need.

Christian, however, suggests the opposite: making statements instead of asking questions. For example, instead of asking where someone is from, you could say, “You seem like you’re from Nova Scotia.”

“The statement simultaneously asks the question and hazards a guess,” he writes. “The guess is intriguing – we love to know what other people think of us, let’s be honest – and so now we have at least two distinct holds as far as our reply: to answer the question and to investigate the reason for the guess.”

Here’s the thing: to initiate this type of collaborative conversation you can’t be a passive participant. Christian suggests learning “how to speak in a way that elicits the other person.” It’s a way of taking control, not like a bulldozer, rather as a driver. By consciously directing the conversation, you can make it easier for your partner to jump in and/or respond. And that will make the conversation much smoother for you too.

It all comes down to finding a way to communicate “there’s a real human being over here who wants to do business with you.”

Try it, and see what happens.

Ilise Benun is an author, consultant and national speaker, and the founder of Marketing-Mentor.com. Her books include The Designer’s Guide to Marketing and Pricing and her latest, The Designer’s Proposal Bundle. You can sign up for her Quick Tips here: www.marketing-mentortips.com and find more information at www.marketing-mentor-toolbox.com.